Blurry Lines and Making Decisions

I remember as a child, making a decision came to me like intuition. I didn’t questions myself, I knew exactly what I wanted and felt confident about the choices I made. Now in my twenties, I’m at an odd age. An age where I understand the importance of making an informed decision and pondering it over, but also an age where I don’t have enough experience to draw from in making a resolute decision. Personally for me in my 20s, I’ve come to question everything and not always in a good way. As you grow up, there’s this sort of fear instilled in you that makes you afraid of doing the wrong things. Which for me, wasn’t there when I was a child. I feel like this fear slowly disappears as you grow older with experiences you can rely on as guides, resulting in decisions you can make confidently. At last I hope this is the case! But what about the odd in between age of your 20s? When you have the fear but not the experience?

Personally, I miss the age where if your parents asked you what you wanted to eat for dinner, the answer would be a firm McDonalds. But if friends or family were to ask me that same question today, I could deliberate the answer for some time. Should I choose a place I’m craving or should I go with a healthier option? What cuisine am I feeling today? Will I feel good about myself after eating this meal from the chosen restaurant? So many questions. One could say that maybe as a child the reason this deliberation takes less time is because children generally have less options. So is that why it takes me so long to make a decision, because I have less options? We scroll through Netflix for hours because we have so many options, but say we cut our options down by half. That would probably mean less time in deliberating. But that would also mean less variety and we’re a crowd that likes our options. I feel in one way options do contribute to uncertainty but it isn’t the sole reason for it. For me the reason lies in fear which didn’t exist as a child. With all the information we have at our finger tips, we are also acutely aware of the repercussions of our decisions. We are still at an age where we are testing out the waters, so although we are surrounded by information it doesn’t necessarily mean we have the experience to draw upon to determine which is right. It’s our time to take risks and to gain these experiences by making mistakes.

As a cautious person, this concept is hard for me to grapple with. The reason I question so many things, is ultimately because I am afraid to fail. I tend to overthink things to a point where I tend to eventually confuse my self and end up back at square one because I wanted to make an informed decisions. But sometimes the best way to approach things is to just try it out and learn. I’m not saying don’t do your research first, but don’t overdo it. Rely on your intuition as well. This is something I really need to make an effort in instilling.

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